How to Control Yourself When You're Angry

Anger is a normal human emotion. It's something we all feel from time to time. But if left unchecked, it can damage our relationships, our peace of mind, and even our health. You'll be shocked. The Bible tells us in James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Learning how to control your anger is not just a matter of willpower; it’s a journey of emotional maturity and spiritual growth. One we should all aim to attain.

In this blog post, we’ll talk about some practical and biblical ways to manage anger before it controls you.

1. Recognize the Trigger

The first step to controlling anger is recognizing what sets you off. What triggers you? Is it a specific person, a stressful environment, or feeling disrespected?

Self-awareness is key. Pay attention to the physical signs: like a racing heart, clenched fists, or a tight jaw. Once you know your triggers, you can take steps to either avoid them or respond more calmly.

One way to recognize your triggers would be to keep a journal of moments when you feel angry. Write down what happened, how you felt, and how you responded.

2. Pause and Breathe

When you feel anger rising, don’t act on impulse. Instead, pause. Take a few deep breaths. Count to 10 slowly if you need to.

It might sound too simple, but breathing gives your mind time to shift from reacting to responding. It allows your emotions to settle just enough so you don’t say or do something you’ll regret later.

Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

3. Pray Before You Speak

As believers, we have a powerful tool that goes beyond self-help techniques which is prayer. When you feel angry, quietly ask God for help. It doesn’t have to be a long prayer. A simple, “Lord, help me stay calm” is enough.

Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Prayer re-centers us and gives us the strength to respond with grace instead of rage.

4. Respond with Kindness

This is not easy, especially when you feel wronged. But choosing kindness is one of the most powerful ways to overcome anger.

Try saying something like, “I need a moment to cool down before we continue,” or “I’m feeling upset, but I want to talk about this calmly.” These kinds of statements communicate maturity and self-control.

Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

5. Take a Break if Needed

Sometimes the best way to deal with anger is to remove yourself from the situation. This is my favorite. Step outside, go for a walk, or take some quiet time to reflect. Physical distance can give your mind and heart time to recalibrate.

Remember, walking away is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of wisdom.

6. Seek Understanding, Not Victory

When you're angry, the goal should not be to "win" the argument but to understand and be understood. Ask yourself: “What is really bothering me?” and “Is this something that needs resolution or just release?”

Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Empathy doesn’t mean you agree—it means you’re willing to listen with your heart, not just your ears.

Proverbs 15:1 tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

7. Forgive and Let Go

Holding onto anger will only hurt you more than the person you’re angry with. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you excuse wrong behavior, but it does mean you choose peace over bitterness.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Letting go is an act of faith. Trust that God sees your hurt and will bring justice in His time.

Conclusion

Anger doesn’t have to control you. With practice, prayer, and God’s Word as your guide, you can respond to anger with grace and wisdom. You are not alone in your struggle, God is with you every step of the way.

Psalm 37:8 encourages us to “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”

Choose peace. Choose love. Choose self-control.